I think the concept of post-credit scene is one of the brilliant inventions in modern cinema. It gives a reason for people (at least, for those who are curious enough) to sit through the credits and read through names of technicians who were instrumental in creating that movie. But I remember there was a time when I used to hate this concept. It’s because I was an impatient youngster who didn’t want to sit through a never-ending stream of credits just to catch a brief sixty-second scene. I was also a youngster who purely watched movies out of my passion for story-telling. But I am not that young anymore and developed an inkling of what others may call ‘patience’ over time. I also saw my passion for movies fizzle out in between because I was too focused on big potato stuff in my life. But life smacked me in the face with those same potatoes, and I had to find a way to distract myself from that pain. So, I decided today to go watch Spider-Man: Brand New Day, and this was my second time watching it in a movie theater.
I don’t necessarily consider this Spider-Man movie as the
best superhero movie ever made, nor is it a mesmerizing theatrical experience.
But I have only watched a limited number of movies twice in a movie theater in
my life time, and this is one of those. It’s because this tells the story of a
lonely guy who is struggling to deal with his emotions, and is also unable to
completely move on from his past. Sure, he does have cool powers that let him
swing through sky scrapers in NYC. If I were him, I’d just go for a swing
whenever life feels heavy and lonely. It’s my way of defying gravity to feel
less burdened and maybe swing alongside flying birds to feel less lonely. But
still, all those cool web slinging stunts aren’t going to magically erase the
emotions and thoughts in my brain. I know at the end of the day I am still
returning to my tiny apartment with all the tiredness and pain. I know I will
have to spend the night alone, eating Maruchan and endlessly checking my phone
to see if I got any messages. No amount of arachnid powers, cool gadgets, or potatoes
are going to make up for living with loneliness.
I also sometimes feel disgusted with myself when I let my
emotions out and they seem to overwhelm others. Even though there are no egg shells
on the ground I walk on, I still like to walk gently to not be too much. But there
are times when I forget how to walk gently and my feet accidentally stomp on
the ground to let my emotions out. I always hated that emotional and sensitive
side of mine, and tried my best to keep it subdued deep inside. But this movie reminds
me that some emotions are meant to be expressed, and you should not try to
restrict them forcefully. Of course, these emotions will be ugly and make you feel
like you are being an unfriendly neighbor, but it’s important to not let
yourselves be defined just by those weak moments.
There are also a few things about this movie that I cannot
relate. For example, movie builds up this complicated and emotional problem of Peter’s
loneliness, and just solves it at the end with him consciously deciding that he
won’t be alone anymore. Their reasoning is that loneliness is a choice Peter made
to save his loved ones, which made him unhappy, so he later goes back on this by
choosing not to be alone anymore, and everything’s solved just like that, and
we see credits roll. I wish loneliness was that simple of a problem to solve, but
it is a lot complicated. Some part of loneliness is always enforced on you by
circumstances, and you can’t undo that. Trust me, I have tried and failed. Instead
of demonizing those circumstances, I am trying to accept them and move forward.
I can be sitting alone on top of a building watching a beautiful sunrise, and
currently my brain focuses more on the “alone” part of it. My hope is that I
will move forward to a point where my brain shifts the focus to beautiful
sunrise, and loneliness will just be a minor sub plot in my story. Because it’s
after all a privilege to watch beautiful sunrises and have time to think about
small potato stuff like loneliness.
There were actually very less audience for this movie today
in the theater, I was sitting by myself with all the seats beside me empty. So,
I didn’t have to hold back with tears in a movie theater for the first time and
I let myself cry when I found a scene or a dialogue to be relatable with my
struggles. Once the movie ended, I sat through the entire credits and post-credit
scene because I knew I had nothing else planned for the day and I didn’t want
this movie to end. But it ended, I got out before I was kicked out, and I was
walking around the mall a bit. Then I remembered something from the time I used
to be an impatient youngster. I lived in a small town, but a few times I got to
visit metropolitan cities, I used to go see their shopping malls. I used to
wish that someday I will be successful enough to live in such a metropolitan
city, and get opportunities to visit malls and buy random stuff that I couldn’t
afford at that time. I realized I am currently living in a metropolitan city
and I am walking inside a mall with a Lego store, so I decided to fulfill my
young self’s wish and bought some Legos. I am okay with this loneliness if it
means I get to realize my young self’s dreams.
I like to think of every day as a brand new day, but not in
the sense that every day is an opportunity to conquer this world and light up
some fireworks. There’s a silent hope inside every day for me that time will
help me learn how to accept some of these emotions and circumstances. It’s not
as exciting as fireworks, but it’s peaceful, like watching a sunrise from the
top of a sky scraper.
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