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The Making of a Dumb Datum

Imagine 10,000 years in the future. Two archaeologists are digging a site, and they find the remains of human bones. They take those remains to the lab, perform tests on them, and try to reconstruct the habits and lifestyle of that human. Say those bones belong to me. They are trying to find out my story, how I lived, what I ate, where I traveled, etc. Once they find all the info they need, they toss it into a museum where they store all other such ancient human remains they find. I was essentially one data point to them in trying to understand how humanity evolved over time. Or I can also call myself a “datum”, the singular form of data, literally one piece of information to solve a bigger puzzle. Honestly, I don’t need 10,000 years to become a datum. I am already a part of several datasets people use these days to study many things. So for that objective learner, I am already a datum. Now let me get to how I got the dumb part of it. I have had an interesting and eventful life so far...
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Bright Pink Lemonade

October is ending, and I see spooky Halloween decorations everywhere. If it was eighteen years ago, these decorations would have surely frightened me and made me run back to my mom in tears. My mom would have said “you are ten years old and you are still afraid of these things?” I would both be in tears and still shake my head to deny that I am afraid, because I was a little liar.

I am no longer little, and I am trying to practice radical honesty. Therefore, I must admit that I cried a lot in the beginning of this October.

I was backpacking in Colorado sand dunes with a friend in the first week of this month. It was an off-season, so there were only two of us who were crazy enough to drag our heavy backpacks up those dunes, where we sank a little into the soft sand with every forward step we took. I let my friend go ahead as he is a fast hiker, and as I was walking by myself, my brain had a lot of time with no distractions to bombard me with a lot of thoughts.

Most of those thoughts were like “I am alone because I am unlovable”, “I am stuck at work because I am incompetent”, “I belong nowhere”, “there must be a valid reason why people leave me”, etc. I was exhausted by these thoughts, so I stopped and looked around. All I saw within a large radius was just miles and miles of desert, with mountains hiding behind clouds in a distant horizon. I hoped for a minute there that my brain would focus on the vastness of this scenery and let me off gently. But it didn’t. It kept bothering me with thoughts for rest of the hike. After camping that night, and hiking back to the parking lot next day, I sat alone in the rental car, put on the song “Pink Lemonade” by thebandfriday, and I cried good to following lyrics.

“Can someone save me from myself
I'm my own worst enemy
I've been winning the fight, but he's been waging a war
And he's harder to beat now more than ever”

So, compared to the way my October started, it is ending in better terms. I read a bit, ran, tried to sit still with pain and emotions, wrote when my brain was overwhelmed, and most importantly, I tried to keep going. I am grateful.

I still listen to pink lemonade a lot, and it makes me wish I can go back to being the kid who can just run to his mother when this world seems overwhelming.  

“I was a kid with a bright pink lemonade, and that was enough
Now I stand here with my cup
And it tastes the same, but I’m so jaded
And my head's full of thoughts
How to make it stop
How to make it stop, stop”

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The Making of a Dumb Datum

Imagine 10,000 years in the future. Two archaeologists are digging a site, and they find the remains of human bones. They take those remains to the lab, perform tests on them, and try to reconstruct the habits and lifestyle of that human. Say those bones belong to me. They are trying to find out my story, how I lived, what I ate, where I traveled, etc. Once they find all the info they need, they toss it into a museum where they store all other such ancient human remains they find. I was essentially one data point to them in trying to understand how humanity evolved over time. Or I can also call myself a “datum”, the singular form of data, literally one piece of information to solve a bigger puzzle. Honestly, I don’t need 10,000 years to become a datum. I am already a part of several datasets people use these days to study many things. So for that objective learner, I am already a datum. Now let me get to how I got the dumb part of it. I have had an interesting and eventful life so far...
Post a Comment
Read more