Imagine 10,000 years in the future. Two archaeologists are digging a site, and they find the remains of human bones. They take those remains to the lab, perform tests on them, and try to reconstruct the habits and lifestyle of that human. Say those bones belong to me. They are trying to find out my story, how I lived, what I ate, where I traveled, etc. Once they find all the info they need, they toss it into a museum where they store all other such ancient human remains they find. I was essentially one data point to them in trying to understand how humanity evolved over time. Or I can also call myself a “datum”, the singular form of data, literally one piece of information to solve a bigger puzzle. Honestly, I don’t need 10,000 years to become a datum. I am already a part of several datasets people use these days to study many things. So for that objective learner, I am already a datum. Now let me get to how I got the dumb part of it. I have had an interesting and eventful life so far...
I did a solo long run of 20 miles today, and I had all those 3 hours of running time to think about how my relationship with running has been changing.
I started running mainly because I wanted to gain the respect of my friends and coworkers. I was out of shape, had unhealthy food habits, and it impacted my self-esteem. Somehow, I was able to productively use that basic human need for external validation, and managed to get to the point where I can run respectable 5Ks and 10Ks. It earned me people’s validation to some extent.
After a while, my non-running life started becoming heavy. Being an immigrant in United States is not a fun ride, and a painful breakup only made it worse. I now needed something deeper than external validation, and that’s when I discovered the concept of internal validation - the one where I set goals that seem very out of reach, and drown myself in training for them, just to have this false sense of progress; that I am doing something to keep the needle moving. So, I ran >1000 miles overall in 2025, and ran my first marathon in 2026. I reached the pinnacle of internal validation. I proved to myself that I can do difficult things and I am not a lost cause.
But chasing external and internal validation isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. It slowly started turning me toxic. Just a few weeks ago, I was going through some difficult emotions, and instead of dealing with them healthily, I declared to myself that I will focus rest of my time chasing faster marathon times. So, I started overtraining and my legs felt the wrath of my mind. But good news is I see the flaw in this approach. I have been doing a lot of introspection over the past few months, and my outlook on running is slowly evolving.
Since last week, I started approaching running with a new kind of curiosity. Instead of chasing times or validation, I managed to focus on the problem-solving aspect. I tried intentionally thinking about what foods to eat during the week for faster recovery, how to plan my runs such that I have a balance between easy zone 2 miles and hard effort miles, and how much sleep I need each night. Today I had to solve this problem of how many grams of carbs per hour I should take during the long run to not bonk out at the end. I also thought about which route to run to add some uphill running on tired legs, and I got to take note of some muscular weaknesses I need to work on over time. I have also been thinking about how to increase my weekly mileage safely. I am very curious now to find out what are the physiological limits of my body in terms of weekly mileage and pace in training, and this is better than being hell bent on a marathon race time goal. This line of thinking is helping me find the joy in the grind, and I am working towards this becoming my default state over time.
There’s also an aspect of running that I have always enjoyed, but was wary of admitting to myself. I like the solitude in running alone. All the motion makes my brain very productive, and I sometimes get interesting thoughts and ideas. And the other times, I can just listen to some podcast or one of the thousand running playlists I have on Spotify. Sometimes I start doing simple arithmetic in my head to test my mental processing capabilities while I am running. So, while it’s easier to run with the company of a friend or a training group, I am realizing I maybe more of a solo runner. I will test this theory on my next few runs by paying attention to my thoughts and how I am feeling. It's funny that I ran at least a 1000 miles this year by myself, but never really paid attention to this fact.
There’s also this growing realization lately that I might not be able to run forever. United States has the perfect mix of weather, trails, and running culture, which helped me stick with running till now. But I am still waiting for my h1b to be approved, and if there’s an emergency back home during this period, I have made this uncomfortable decision of abandoning the process and going back. Running in India has its own unique set of problems to solve, but for now, my goal is to get the most out of running during my time here. So, I am trying to understand what is it about running that I love the most, and how can I replicate it in other aspects of my life. I definitely like having a defined structure, and consistently sticking with it. I like tracking the metrics, and noticing signs of progress. I like getting lost in the movement; my brain constantly enters flow state during running. I need to think about how I can use all this information to find new activities that will interest me over time.
But for now, I am grateful to universe for giving me a few more years in the United States. I will remind myself before every run about my privilege here, and not to take it for granted.
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