Religion and Spirituality

Growing up in a secular India, I was fortunate enough to have been exposed to different gods.

When I was a child, my family lived near a Hindu temple which served delicious food on Thursdays, so I never missed an opportunity to tag along with my friends when they visited the temple. God there had a bronze statue. I used to diligently stand in front of the statue with folded hands, and put my wish list in front of the God – “please help me convince my dad to buy a new cycle”, “please help me get good marks in the next exam” etc. I genuinely believed God somehow had a communication channel open with that bronze statue.

Then I went home and saw my mom praying to her god, but there were no folded hands with a standing posture. She instead performed a sequence of postures that ranged from standing, kneeling, falling to ground etc. And God my family believed had no bronze statue, in fact no shape at all. There used to be a Muslim tailor near my home who always wore a taqiyah (Islamic skull cap), and I am embarrassed to admit that for a large period of my childhood, I believed God looked like him. But Islamic God is shapeless and formless, like water, way before Bruce Lee ever said that famous quote.

One of my best friends during my childhood was Christian. His family lived in the home just upstairs of mine. I always used to hang out at his home, because he had many different board games and he used to tell me many cool stories. I still remember the poster of Jesus hanging on a wall at their home. This friend also patiently explained the story of crucifixion back then, but I don’t remember it that much. All I remember is the good memories we had, which unfortunately ended due to a tragedy.

But I paid close attention to all religions out of curiosity. First, it surprised me how within each religion, there were different beliefs, castes, and sects. I didn’t see the point in having these subdivisions. Later, I slowly started to realize the concepts of discrimination, both intra and inter religion. I remember walking around our small town in search of a new rental home for our family with my mom, and I still remember the disgusted expressions of a few home owners when they saw the hijab my mom was wearing. They told us they don’t rent homes to “meat eaters”, we understood and moved on. Over time I realized that even meat eaters didn’t like non-meat eaters very much, so hatred was mutual.

By the time I became an adult with fully functioning front lobe, I saw way more issues I didn’t realize before. I saw through it when religion was used as an excuse to prevent women from pursuing higher education, and got forced into young marriages. I saw how religious differences can complicate a loving relationship; it even led to gruesome crimes with the justification of “religion preservation.” I tried to assimilate with whatever groups I can, and at times, I made rational arguments to help them see the fallacies in their thinking, but I was shunned. I eventually got fed up and gave up on religion and God.

I somehow ended up in United States, where I realized that I don’t belong to any community here. So, I keep roaming around just by myself, sometimes using my own two legs and sometimes using uber. One such uber ride I took during Hanukkah last year turned out to be interesting. Cab driver was Jewish, so she and I had an interesting conversation about Jewish customs and other religions. She asked me what religion I followed; I told her I am agnostic but I grew up in an Islamic household. Then she joked “they always warned us that Muslims are coming, so they are already here, huh?” I laughed out loud because that was genuinely funny.

Then I explained to her my experiences growing up in a multi religious country, and how they resulted in me giving up. I also told her that at times I felt deeply alone and lost, so I started finding comfort in the thought that there is a central element responsible for creating and arranging atoms to build this universe, who we named as God. She asked me if I considered myself to be more spiritual than religious. I asked her what’s the difference between those two.  

I will never forget her answer – “religion is for those who are afraid of hell, spirituality is for those who have been through hell.”